At some point of time in our lives we face a situation where we feel disappointed with ourselves. It may lead to regret or it may lead to anger, depending on the problem at hand. The kind of disappointment which i'm facing, leads to anger. And i don't intend to keep it that way.

First off, let me talk about my gaming habits. I've been gaming ever since i was in secondary 3 which has been close to 4 years now. The first online game i ever played was MapleStory and though many of my friends disapprove of this game, it does have it's good points sometimes. Then two years following that my sister-in-law bought me Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. That was when i picked up DotA(Defence of the Ancients). And i've been playing it ever since even though i quit maple just around the end of last year.

This is going to be DotA talk for awhile so kindly excuse my language

Even though i've been playing DotA for close to a year now, i haven't really founf a hero which i could master. I mean, i've tried different hero's from strength to agility and even intelligence but to no avail. Just a few hours ago i was playing in a clan match and my score was 3-5. It's utterly disappointing and i feel so degraded. I've spent hours playing almost everyday and yet my skill has only imporved to the bare minimum. It really pisses me off when i think about the amount of time i spent playing dota and my inability to even come up with a decent score. Maybe it's because i keep jumping hero's which is why i'm not focusing enough on one particular hero to understand that hero inside out. Maybe, just maybe i really should focus on one hero alone. Then my skill would really improve for the better.

Enough about DotA for now, i'm going to blog about another type of disappointment that i'm facing. Disappointment in my peers.

Just a few hours ago someone just literally pissed me off, big time. I'm not going to name that person but i think she knows who she is. It's like, i've already trusted her with stuff, seeing as she is a person with responsibility and will uphold her pride and ego. That is, until just now. Not that it matters or anything but i was feeling bored yesterday so i decided to reinstall maple to poke around abit to see how my friends were doing inside. But it just so happens that most of my items were with one of my friends conveiniently forgot the password to her account. Since she told me that she had forgotten it i asked her to find out for me, thinking that she would try her best. However, the following day when i asked her again, i got the exact same reply that i got the previous night and she had the gall to tell me not to pester her about it any longer. That was the line that was the final straw. How could you be so IRRESPONSIBLE. I lent you my items thinking that since i wasn't playing i could just lend them to you so that you could use them HOPING that when i needed them in the future you would return them to me. But today i've seen it all. IRREPONSIBILITY is the proper word to be used here. If this is the thanks i get for helping you out then you're not very much welcome. This is what i say to people like you. PISS OFF. It might not matter to you that i'm angry. You'd probably be just laughing it off without a care in the world. You know what? go ahead cause i don't give much of a shit either.

In any case, i got what i wanted to off my chest. I'm going to bed. Hopefully the anger doesn't kill me.



NetFund supplementary paper just ended yesterday. Only section B was a killer for me. I'm banking on my section C to score. hopfully i can scrape a 35 or something then at least i only need 15 more marks to pass which can be picked off from my mcq or Section B itself provided i at least score 1 mark for each question there. haha.

But let's not talk about exams for the time being. It's already over and there's not turning back. What i can do now is prepare for what's ahead.

It feels strange to suddenly be so alone. What i'm trying to say here is that after what has happened the past week, i must say that it does feel weird to be sitting in front of my computer the entire day doing nothing but playing games the entire day without a care in the world. Not that i've never done this before but it takes time for the human body to adjust itself to new surroundings. Maybe, just maybe, this might be the feeling of freedom. The feeling of absolute ignorance without having to give a damn about what anyone says or thinks. No doubt that sometimes the occasional feeling of loneliness tends to sink in but after awhile it fades away only to be replaced by thoughts of being able to break free from the chains that once bound you to this very earth.

I might get used to this =D



Supplementary paper for NetFund is tomorrow. i don't feel fully prepared. I wonder if i can actually pass this. Or will i have to re-take the entire subject the next semester? I simply shudder at the thought. Lets hope that i manag to scrape a pass given all the diestractions that i have had the entire past week.

It ended today officially.Finally for the first time in my life after so long i feel free. I don't feel bound by any ropes and i can spread my wins and fly. But being the sentimental person that i am i feel a slight hint of guilt tingling down my spine. Have i done the right thing? Is this what's best for both of us? I myself dont know if by doing this it will benefit the both of us. If i were to think selfishly i would say that it's not easy to find another guy that would tolerate such nonsense and that it would of course be better for me than it is for her. But i think it'll only be a period of time before both of us will be back to normal. It's time to move on. I know i'm partly to blame for this but think about it this way, it takes both hands to clap.



This post is dedicated to someone. That person used to mean the world to me. Not anymore. After what i have been through over the past few days was pure HELL. I don't think any normal human being would be able to withstand that kind of mental torture.

Dear Someone,

I've had enough of all your crap. It's already been six long months and i can't take it anymore. I'm on the verge of breaking down and actually kill myself. As time goes by i'm painfuly forced to agree with the fact that you're actually taking advantage of me for my kind nature. Those around me would agree that i'm naive and i'm a nice person though abit outspoken at times. Many times my parents have warned me about people who would make use of me because i'm nice. People like YOU. I've had it. I'm sick and tired of all this and i want it to end as soon as possible. You're screwing up MY life and MY mental state of mind. You told me that you would change which was why i gave in to you and allowed you a chance to redeem yourself. Now i painfully regret that decision. I've stressed myself out over you and that's not all. Even my family have to be brought in just to PLEASE you and to be there for your every whine and complaint. Let me tell you this, i'm no slave to anyone and by giving in to you time after time doesn't mean you can simply just throw your fucked up tandrums as and when u like. The more i tpe the more pissed off i get at you. Get this through your thick skull, I HATE YOU. No more chances, no more turning back. I've taken a wrong path down this road of pain and now i'm getting myself out of it. you made me feel like a pile of shit that you could just step on as and when you like and you have absolutely NO self-respect. You don't even know how to present yourself before someone else's parents. Now i finally understand why previous ones before me couldn't give a damn. It's because of your fucked up, stinking,stubborn attitude. I've given in to you WAY too much and i'm ending it here and NOW. So just stay out of my life bitch and good riddance to YOU.

On a lighter note, i feel much better without you in my life anyway.



Yes i decided to return to blogspot after so long. Lots of thanks to Melswee for helping me out with the template. I don't know if this blog of mine will be permanent because i'm still quite used to tabulas. Oh well we'll see.

Got my exam results back today. Wasn't as pleasant as i hoped but at least it beats having to re-take the entire subject in the next semester. NETFUND supplementary paper here i come! Lets hope i score well? >.<