I don't know if what i'm feeling right now is just love or is it desperation FOR love. Yes i am making myself sound like a despot but who cares what other people think. But when i look at it in a sensible manner, even though i'm old enough to get into a relationsip, i certainly do not have sufficient RESPONSIBILITY to do so. But is it worth letting go of something which i've fought so much till the point where i almost broke down? I'm lost.

I realised that when you're in a relationship you have to learn how to place priorities. Being a gamer myself i find that surprisingly difficult. But to my dismay i too suffer from the same fate of being neglected because of a game. To tell the truth i would so much as give up playing the game entirely just to spend some time with the one i cherish the most.Because once something that you love so much is gone, it's gone forever and nothing can ever bring it back. And only when something is missing from your life would you actually realise that you never did cherish that thing when it's around. But how do you cherish something that doesn't give you the opportunity to do so?

Off topic, I've come to realise that god doesn't create miracles, neither does he just perform them to anyone who goes down on their knees in prayer. In fact god CREATES opportunities for us. He gave us not life, but the opportunity to LIVE. he does not take away our lives when we die. He gives us an opportunity to start anew. Whenever we screw up or create some major mistakes in our lives how is it that we always make it out in one piece? Because god gave us the opportunity to realise our mistakes.

Getting back on track, i want to cherish each and everyone around me, including those that mean the most to me. Friends, family and loved ones. I don't wish to neglect anyone. I'm a person who doesn't let go easily and i fight for what i feel is right.

I don't want to make this too direct so i'll just mention this. If you feel that your friends are more important to you than anything else then go ahead and be with them. But don't forget that they weren't the ones who stood by you when you were upset, when you felt like nothing in this world seemed right. Don't forget that there was that special someone who was there for you. Even if he/she couldn't do anything about it at least they still tried and that matters most. But if you don't know how to appreaciate the little things that he/she does and look upon it as a whole and feel that nobody cares for you at all then you're just going to lose that person forever. Forget about being friends cause it's impossible. I'm not being blunt but it IS a fact. A friend once told me that if you fall out in a relationship and still go back to being GOOD/CLOSE friends that goes to show that the feelings put into that relationship were mutual.

If you say you want to put the pieces back together again then DO something about it not just sit and wait hoping taht a miracle will appear cause that isn't going to happen. Saying that " i feel i'm going to lose you soon" seriously isn't going to cut it one bit. If you have thoughts about growing a plant but don't have the determination to water and put fertilizer in it everyday then how do you expect the plant to even turn into a bud?

You might want to put the blame not on yourself but finding excuses like " i'm tired " or "you've said this a thousand times". If that's the way you feel then why not you do something about it because it's just like a remote control car with no batteries inside it. Workable, but not moving.

I don't want to say to much. I hope that those who read this will realise that being in a relationship means two-way traffic. You just can't rely on one person to do all the work while you spend your time doing something else. This goes to show that the relationship doesn't even matter in the least bit to you.

I don't want to lose you
But if you're not going to help at all
or even TRY to
then i guess there's no point
because you don't want to pick up a flower that's already withered