Wednesday, January 30
On Moving On
Learning to let go and move on has never been this painful. But i think we all have to at some point. memories to put aside, whether happy or sad.I'm going to need more than just painkillers to relive this pain.spent time today talking to Cal and mouse before coming to a decision. This is wad Cal told me:
"Dude, if you're going nowhere there's no point to keep on driving. You need to make a decision before you become more indecisive"
Yes, I am an indecisive person. The longer i'm attached or have feelings for something/someone the longer i take to let go. There's something that most people don't know. I'm actually very emotional because i spent more time with my mom during my younger years than my dad. I'm not like those cold-hearted jerks who could throw something precious aside just because it has no sentimental value. I try to treasure everything i have until there's no point in having it anymore.
Pretty much you guys could guess what i'm talking about now.Anyway this was what mouse told me:
you make me sick but dont ever go away ت said:
lol i cant really decide for you, but what i can tell you, me being a girl, is that its really a vicious cycle.. its like she gets your attention everytime she cries, then you comfort her and yay happy again, and then she wants to feel loved again so she tries it again
you make me sick but dont ever go away ت said:
maybe she feels insecure and tries to compensate for it by attempting to dominate your attention by crying
After thinking about it for awhile i start to realise that it's actually true. I've yet to figure out how a girl's mind works anyway >.< . Just like what Melswee told me over the phone the other day,
"I can give in, I just don't want him to think that I submit to him so easily"
Something along those lines, kinda forgot. Anyway, it's been really fun. For the time we spent together. Really enjoyable. Only thing is I don't feel i'm the one for her. I can make her happy for a certain period of time(1-2days) then everything goes back to normal. I'm starting to think i'm not boyfriend material. Oh well, I don't wish to brood over it anymore. It's for the best.
3:43 PM
Sunday, January 20
Here's a thought to ponder about as you read this post. Nothing complicated or anything. Just something to roll around the old noggin' while i rant about something. Well here it is:
As people move on from time to time. They change.
Now i'm not talking about puberty here. That's a totally whole different thing going on. To me puberty is defined as growing a whole lot of HAIR at places you wouldn't even imagine to have hair in the first place. Anyway back to what i was saying. I'm talking about change in character,perspective,attitude and even values.
Say for example, before you left secondary school you would have in your mindset that you would always build a base of friendship before jumping into a relationship. But when you enter JC/Poly your mindset totally changes.
Maybe its due to greater influence from friends or just the pressure thats coming directly from your peers. Whichever the case may be, sooner or later something in that thick skull of yours bound to change because of it.
I'm not saying Poly/JC life is bad but maybe it does have an effect on us some way or another. Some used to say that Poly/JC is the period of time when young minds would mature from their premature state and that's where many of our thoughts about how we want to live our lives comes into play.
I won't deny that i myself have not changed since i entered Poly but i've seen many of my friends go through the same process. For some it might not be that big a change, maybe only a small portion of what they used to be changed. I mean, look back and think about what people would tell you about something. And as time goes by watch that person slowly change. I'm talking about long-term here. About 2-3 years of friendship and you'll notice that the person whom you once made friends with has changed. Note that i'm only talking about Secondary school-->Poly/JC and not anything else.
Just take a look around you and see for yourself. The people you once knew form secondary school are not the people they used to be when they enter Poly/JC. 'Nuff said.
1:29 AM
Wednesday, January 16
Yeah...
Hiding from the rain and snow
Trying to forget but I won't let go
Looking at the crowded street
Listening to my own heartbeat
So many people
All around the world
Tell me where do I find someone like you, girl
Take me to your heart
Take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is
Haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true
They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away
Take me to your heart
Take me to your soul
Give me your hand and hold me
Show me what love is
Feel my guiding star
It's easy
Take me to your heart
Standing on a mountain high
Looking at the moon through a clear blue sky
I should go and see some friends
That I really comprehend
Don't need too much talking
Without saying anything
All I need is someone
Who makes me wanna sing
Take me to your heart
Take me to your soul
Give me your hand before I'm old
Show me what love is
Haven't got a clue
Show me that wonders can be true
They say nothing lasts forever
We're only here today
Love is now or never
Bring me far away
Take me to your heart
Take me to your soul
Give me your hand and hold me
Show me what love is
Feel my guiding star
It's easy
Take me to your heart
Take me to your heart-Michael Learns To Rock.
I was speechless after listening to this song on a friends blog. The lyrics are too meaningful. I have to put them up for show. Its playing right now if you have ears to listen =x enjoy ^^
4:39 PM
Monday, January 14
My due has come
I'm thinking of doing a few things. Could be my golas for 2008. I'll try to work towards them if possible:
-Learn to stop whining(alot of people complaining about this)
-Start bearing responsibility for my work(projects,assignments etc)
-Maybe start a journal instead of a blog(it helps in case the internet crashes)
-Stop doing things that i would end up regretting
-Be more friendly towards people and not so anti social
Well that's my list for 2008. Stragely enough i don't forsee myself fufilling any of them. With the exception of the journal of course. All i need is a nice little book to write in ^^
All in due course as they say. Let time decide what my fate shall be.
Off topic, projects are piling up one by one. Stress levels are at a maximum. I barely have enough time to sit down to relax without thinking about what is going to happen the following week or the week after. Sure i might be slacking all the time during lessons not doing anything. But hey, i'm as paranoid as everyone else is. The thought of simply failing the subject just because you couldn't get one teeny weeny function to work is simply horrifying.
The next paragraph is for someone special. I so hope she reads it >.< It's none other than my one and only sunshine in the clouds, my darling Victoria =D.
Dear, i know this is a tough year for you. So much work to be done and it's not easy i admit,having gone through it myself. And with the responsibility that this relationship holds it's not making life alot easier either. But i know you can do it! You've never given up when faced with obstacles(maybe throwing a tandrum or two but that's ok). Your spirit could never be tainted with whatever is thrown at you so go give it your best shot! I'll support you all the way no matter what. If i can help out in any way to lighten your load don't hesitate to let me know. I'll always be here for you rain or shine. All i am is just a phone call away. Lets try to make the best of this relationship ok? Love you lots <33
Well that's about it. Will update again when the time comes. Until then, i'll be digging a grave in case i die of unlimited stress dosage. xD
11:33 PM
