I learned two important life lessons today.

-Freedom comes at a price.
-The harder you try, the harder you're going to fall.

Let's talk about the first one. Today was TCC's fifth anniversary. And they had the celebration at Atrium. Of course i was working there so i was a part of it. It was fun all the way toward the end, when they started drinking.

People started getting drunk, some lost their temper, one vomitted and another didn't want to go home.

Even though i could have chosen to drink(which i don't), i didn't because i knew very well that if i did i wouldn't be able to tell what would have become of me. I mean the mood was there no doubt. I was this close to almost downing my entire glass of champagne. But after realising that it would get me no where i went over to Louie and poured the contents of my glass into his. Seeing all of them like that, i thank my lucky stars that i don't drink. Getting drunk is not something i would want to be proud of. I wouldn't want to wake up the next morning on the street with no recollection of whatever happened the night before.

So what if drinking helps to relieve stress? So what if you're feeling upset and want to drink away your sorrows? I don't see any link between the two. It's like saying you want to rob a bank because you want to impress a girl from your school. IT MAKES NO FRIGGIN SENSE.

Frankly speaking i feel that people who do something else because of how they feel are total cowards. They have the gall to create the mess for themselves but don't have any to face up to reality. You messed it up, you clean it. You don't spill water on the carpet and leave it there to go have lunch hoping that after a period of time it'll dry up. Sure it will dry up eventually, but the stain will be there to haunt you forever unless you do something to remove it permanently.

Second thing i learned, the harder you try, the harder you fall.

I see him trying so hard... until a point where it almost makes me want to laugh. Sure, he has access to the resources that i don't. But at this point of time, i'm sure you're not what she's looking for. Try as hard as you might, i'm no one to judge. But i can tell that she's just trying to be nice by not putting you down, giving you the respect that you deserve. You smoke and drink, which is a past that she's trying to put behind her. How is she going to be able to do that when you're constantly doing it? Don't smoke or drink in front of her? Sure, but for how long?

You don't understand her, because you can't think on the same level as her. You will never understand how she feels, because you have never gone through what she has. I'm not proud to say that i know exactly how she feels because i've been through the same scenearios, but right now she needs to get her life in order before she moves on to other things. And you're probably ignorant of all that, with just one hope at the back of your mind that she will choose you over everyone else on the planet.

i don't know if you will see this, and if you do and are 110% sure that you won't want to be more than friends, please don't give him the hope that it's possible. Make it clear to him right here and now. Because if you're going to drag this and reject him in the end you're just going to add one more problem for yourself. Because you see him on a day to day basis and it will be awkward. I'm just hoping that you will do this to give yourself one less problem. I know it's hard to cope with studies and your personal life, so don't go drag your work into it. I'll be here if you need to talk about anything. Just give me a call day or night, i love knocking sense into people =)