sometimes i wonder what i should be doing with my life. Is this what i really want? I want to pretend that nothing remotely big happened and just carry on with what i do every day.

But.. i'm very bad at keeping my emotions bottled up inside. Maybe i should just refer to my colleagues as colleagues and let them stay that way. Nothing more, nothing less. I work with them, smile at them, joke with them and nothing more than that. No more outings, drinking whatsoever. Any celebrations that require my presence i will not be there. Because ultimately these are people whom i can't be friends with forever. I can't see myself being in contact with them 10 years from now.

Call me self centered, selfish or whatever you please. Things have already gotten so complicated over a period of two months. All because of one person.

Sure, my actions may seem like i have feelings for her. But unlike you i don't go and complicate things. I don't put any form of pressure on her. She's already having such a hard time coping with her studies and work and her personal life at the same time, will it kill you to at least let her get her affairs in order before doing anything? God knows what the hell you told her, but i stand by it that i only show concern for her as a friend. Nothing more. You affected both our lives by trying to be a third party and spreading false rumours about the whole situation. I don't know why you can't just fucking grow up and think about others before youself you dumb motherfucker...