love is complicated.

so are feelings.

hot and cold. Who knows what means what?

How is it even possible to like someone who doesn't feel the same way as you?

I just realised that all this while, i was running away. Running away from reality. I was too afraid of the truth so i chose to run away and stick to whatever i was thinking.

"One day you'll get tired of all this boy-girl stuff and realise that hanging out with your friends is the best thing to do. When love comes it does so naturally, you don't have to go looking for it."

I wonder if all this while my efforts have been futile. Whether or not they have made a change anywhere. If destiny deems it to be this way there is nothing i can do to change it. All along i thought that if i played my cards right i might win something. Who knew that i might end up losing everything that i ever had.

In any case i'm going to isolate myself from the outside world once i enter NS. That way i don't have to worry about anything and i can peacefully "wait" until love comes knocking on my door instead of me constantly trying to break down the door.

I don't know how it will be for me to carry on like this when clearly it's affecting me so badly. I'm getting confused from every angle. Can't someone just throw me a frigging hint somewhere so i can pick it up, understand it throughly and carry on with my life.

I realise that i'm very dependant on people for advise, i can't seem to make my own decisions. Especially life changing ones.

Anyway i guess my life is meant to be filled with misery., sigh