all the people in this group are online... except one.... the one that i want to see online the most.. sigh.. Even Joel whom i seldom see using msn is online.

You know the feeling of how you always dream about something so nice that when you suddenly wake up you feel so, how do i put it, so 'zomfgwtfbbqknnccb' ? Yeah i just had one of those dreams. And this time i'm really banking on the whole 'dreams come true' thing. Because it's what i really want.



he watched as she jumped along, happily holding her bag and saying , "我要回家了!".
Knowing that whatever he did at this point will not change anything, he smiled and silently walked behind her.

The departure gates loomed ahead. She turned around, and looked at the two of them. "我走了.." she said as her smile slowly turned into a slight frown. She hugged one of the two and turned to the other and extended a hand. Thinking that it was probably a good idea not to mess things up at this point of time, he took it and shook it hard, knowing deep inside his heart that the next time he would see her will only be three months later.

Before she turned around he stopped her, words twirling at the tip of his tongue but not knowing how to say it. He handed her a yellow bag, containing two cards and a bottle filled with paper stars. At this point all he could do was to tell her to open it when she was on board the plane. He managed to gather minimal strength to raise an arm to wave her goodbye. The other walked with her to the entrance of the departure gates while he stood there rooted to the ground like a statue, repeatedly telling himself to be strong and not cry.

Then she turned around for one last glance and blew the both of them flying kisses, and turned her back on them to finally bid them farewell....

She was the only one who changed the way his heart beats, and no matter what happens, he will never ever forget her...




time is ticking Brandon... what are you going to do?

*tick-tock tick-tock*



it's time like this that.... suicide makes plenty of sense. Now i know why people want to kill themselves.

It's so unfair that every god damn fucking thing that happens to me always turns out badly. I try to stay positive, but whenever i think positive something negative comes around the corner and smacks me in the face.

i've tried crying, but i'm just too numb to the pain to cry anymore.



19 more days... and counting..

Every second that passes is like waiting for a time bomb to explode...

Every minute is like a knife thrown to my chest...

Every hour that i have to go through is like dying twice over...

Every day that i see myself doing this i ask myself why... Is it really worth it?

Will she really appreciate you for who you are?

Only time will tell.. until then... i guess i have to keep on waiting...